I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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