I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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