census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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