How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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