My friends, they love my intelligence
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
