When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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