I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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