I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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