i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
