He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
