Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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