When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
