Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
