she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
