dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
