Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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