seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
