Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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