this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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