My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
