Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
