nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
