Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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