Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
