i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize