I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
