Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
