so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
