Got a toothbrush?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
