no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
