the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
