Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
