Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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