I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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