And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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