I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
