My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
