I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
