Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
