I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
