if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
