went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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