Don't make out with my wife yet
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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