we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
