I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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