I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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