Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
