the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize