I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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