The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
