Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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