i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
