and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
