i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
