So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
