I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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