I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
