i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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