watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize