I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he shaved USA in his pubs
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
