Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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