I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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