He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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