i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
