she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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