ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
