woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize