I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
