Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
